My Life's Problems and Struggles
Hello, my name is Joseph Matthew Lyman, and I have an disability call Cerebral Palsy (CP), but it is mild. I have an page on here telling you what is CP. Click HERE to read more.
Now, I want to tell you something that I’ve been going through. I am mainly an open book. I will tell you a lot of things about me, because that is who I am, and there is nothing that I can do about it. But there are somethings that only an hand full of people know.
So, when I was born, I was…well, dead. Yes, dead. Both my mom and I died, because she loss a lot of blood, and I had no air coming to me. I believe my dad said, that I was dead for about 30-60 seconds, and my mom was dead for about 90 seconds. With that, they had a lot of things, that was going on, that NO ONE EVER heard or seen before. We might be in medical books, but I’m not sure. It would be cool. So anyway, I spent almost 14-20 days (I’m not sure) in the hospital. The doctors told both my mom and dad that I wouldn’t be able to walk, use my hands…I think, and some other things.
Well, they was wrong. I had Physical Therapy (til June of 2012), Occupational Therapy (til 2005), and Speech (til 2006), and I can walk, but with great things, there must be some fall backs. My speech isn’t good, and I can tell that it is getting worse, as days go on. Some days it is ok, but other days, I can’t. It will be so bad, that I just don’t want to talk, and just cry. Sometimes when I am on the phone, they think that I am an female, and I just got so mad about it.
When I was about 10 years old, my problems all started. I got arthritis in my one knee, then in my other knee a year or two later. Then when my dad passed away, one Sunday in June of 2010, I couldn’t get out of bed. I went to the hospital, and my two lower decks was in flamed. Since then, my back will hurt. Sure, my weight could be something that makes it hurt, but that isn’t 100% of the reason, why it hurts.
Also, that thing that I hate, is that people might think that I am faking, which is not true. What I mean by that, is I might be ok at like 4 PM, but at 6 or 7 PM, I will be in pain. I don’t want people to think, that I am faking to get their attention, love, or whatever, I am not faking. I can’t do anything to help it.
You might be thinking, “Joe, is that it?” I will say, “Hahaha….no!”
In Oct. of 2015, I had my 6-month doctors appointment, and at that time, I was working at Save-A-Lot. I told her that my left hand will be hurting me, and feels like my finger tips have electricity in it. She said that I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (click HERE to learn more). Now, since I’ve been an stockers at Save-A-Lot, then an cashier too, my other hand starting to hurt. I’ve didn’t tell her about my right hand, but I am going to.
Now, I have some more problems, to add on to what I already have.
Last year (2016), my doctor told me that I might have Sleep Apnea, because I told her that I’ve been tired, and sometimes waking up during the night. So she sent me to an Sleep Study, and I did. They told me that I had mild Sleep Apnea. When I went to try on the mask, I felt like someone was suffocating me. So, I had to stop. Then my doctor sent me over to another doctor, that at first, I thought was not doing anything to help me, but now, she is. About an month ago (June of 2017), she sent me to get an MRI. The doctor who did it, told me that if they find anything out that need to be address, they will call me. No call. So, when I went back to my appointment, they said that they found something in the back of my head, that isn’t to serious.
What they found was…I don’t really know how to explain it…but it is like an ball in the back of my brain, that is against blood vessels, so the blood isn’t passing like it should. Now, this is most likely from birth, but we don’t know for sure. So, they want to keep an eye out on it, because if it gets any bigger, then I will need surgery on my head. That could be an cause of a lot of problems that I have, but again, we aren’t sure 100%.
A couple of nights ago, I was trying to go to bed and was just thinking about a lot of things. Such as my future. If you don’t know, I want to make a few of companies, aka JML Incorporate and KJ’s Café Club. But then I was thinking, that if it gets worst, then I won’t be able to do it, which makes me mad and upset. And with that, it would be great and awesome, because I can go into work, if I feel up to it, and if I am in pain, well…I can stay at home.
Then there is something that I think about the most. Having an boyfriend. I wish that I can have one now, so I can have someone, to be with me, and can help me if I need. YES, I am grateful that I have great family and friends, that I can talk to, and that can help me if and when I need it. But, there are somethings that I just want someone to be with me day in, and day out. Everyone might feel the same way, as I am right now, because you can have someone that you love and care deeply about, can be helping you, if you need it.
So now, I am just going day-by-day, but sometimes, I just can’t stop thinking about everything. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I do thank god for everything that he given me so far, and just hope that tomorrow, I won’t wake up, and can’t move AT ALL!!!!! The doctor who deliver me, said that I might be in an wheel-chair for life, and who knows, next month I just might need to…which I hope to god not.
When I talk to people about all my problems…which again, I don’t want them to feel bad about me, but a lot of people will tell me that, 1) They can’t tell that I have a disability. Which you really can’t, by just looking at me. But also 2) They are surprised that I can do a lot of things.
I am smart. Well, not book smart, that’s why I dropped out of college twice…hahaha…but as far as what I am doing with my job, at home with computers, speakers, and TV’s, people are very surprised that I can do that.
Oh, did I tell you that I drive? Well, yes I do. I have my license, and my own car. Again, if I talk to the doctors who deliver me, they would be so surprised that I do.
My family will sometimes call me “An miracle baby!” Which…I am.
I will like to say something else, that isn’t really about me, but just my living style. I do have an job, and I am very grateful that I do, but another thing that I am grateful is being on SSD. Now, I know what you might be thinking, “Well Joe, if you have an job, why are you on SSD? That money should go to someone who needs it, and don’t have an job.” Which, I agree, but I have to disagree with you. If I have an job, why should I be on SSD? Well, I can’t be able to work an full-time job. Sometimes just working part-time kills me. With my back, hands, and knees, it won’t work out. For example, I am typing this, and my hands and arms are starting to kill me. When I am cashing, 2 hours left of my shift, my hands will start killing me, and I slow down. My job, wants me to go fast to use both hands, but I can’t, and I need to tell them that I have problems. But they will understand. If you don’t know where I work at, I work at Wegmans. I actually needed to get an doctors note, telling them that I need to sit, when I am working, because of my back.
Let me go off track for an second. **NOTE: I AM NOT SAYING ANYTHING BAD ABOUT WEGMANS!!** As an cashier at Wegmans, we have something that is called IPM (Items Per Minute). They will tell us, where they would like to see us at, before our shift ends. For example, it will say you IPM from your last shift (10.58), and where they want to see you by the end of you shift, and it will be higher, then your last shift (11.0). If you don’t make it, you won’t get into trouble, but they might not be happy.
Now, you might be thinking, “Ok. Why are you telling us this?”
Well, here’s why. When I started, they didn’t have the note from my doctors about I need to sit, so my IPM’s would be anywhere from 5.0-8.0, or maybe higher. But when I sit, my IPM’s will be higher, somewhere between an 10.0-12.0, or higher. I think that they are happy to see that, so do I. When customers come through my line, I will try to talk to them…if they aren’t on their phones. Some people will make me so happy, when they tell me that I am doing a great job. Then when I say something about my hands, or being tired…which I know I shouldn’t…but they will say, “Oh! It’s ok. Take your time. You are doing an great job!” That keeps me going. I love talking to great, nice, kind, and awesome people whenever I am working…mostly at night.
But, I will end it there. If you read the whole thing, I think you so much and I love you, for reading my problems. Again, I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me, and treat me any different…well, maybe a little different. Hahaha. But if you want/can, please Share this on Twitter and Facebook, so people can kinda understand how some people might be feeling about theirselves, and what people can do.
PS: I might update people as far as my head, depending on what we find out. So please, “Follow” me on Twitter by clicking HERE, or “Like” me on Facebook by clicking HERE. My Tweets goes onto my Facebook Page.
Thanks for reading this, and til next time, see you on Twitter!!!
Now, I want to tell you something that I’ve been going through. I am mainly an open book. I will tell you a lot of things about me, because that is who I am, and there is nothing that I can do about it. But there are somethings that only an hand full of people know.
So, when I was born, I was…well, dead. Yes, dead. Both my mom and I died, because she loss a lot of blood, and I had no air coming to me. I believe my dad said, that I was dead for about 30-60 seconds, and my mom was dead for about 90 seconds. With that, they had a lot of things, that was going on, that NO ONE EVER heard or seen before. We might be in medical books, but I’m not sure. It would be cool. So anyway, I spent almost 14-20 days (I’m not sure) in the hospital. The doctors told both my mom and dad that I wouldn’t be able to walk, use my hands…I think, and some other things.
Well, they was wrong. I had Physical Therapy (til June of 2012), Occupational Therapy (til 2005), and Speech (til 2006), and I can walk, but with great things, there must be some fall backs. My speech isn’t good, and I can tell that it is getting worse, as days go on. Some days it is ok, but other days, I can’t. It will be so bad, that I just don’t want to talk, and just cry. Sometimes when I am on the phone, they think that I am an female, and I just got so mad about it.
When I was about 10 years old, my problems all started. I got arthritis in my one knee, then in my other knee a year or two later. Then when my dad passed away, one Sunday in June of 2010, I couldn’t get out of bed. I went to the hospital, and my two lower decks was in flamed. Since then, my back will hurt. Sure, my weight could be something that makes it hurt, but that isn’t 100% of the reason, why it hurts.
Also, that thing that I hate, is that people might think that I am faking, which is not true. What I mean by that, is I might be ok at like 4 PM, but at 6 or 7 PM, I will be in pain. I don’t want people to think, that I am faking to get their attention, love, or whatever, I am not faking. I can’t do anything to help it.
You might be thinking, “Joe, is that it?” I will say, “Hahaha….no!”
In Oct. of 2015, I had my 6-month doctors appointment, and at that time, I was working at Save-A-Lot. I told her that my left hand will be hurting me, and feels like my finger tips have electricity in it. She said that I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (click HERE to learn more). Now, since I’ve been an stockers at Save-A-Lot, then an cashier too, my other hand starting to hurt. I’ve didn’t tell her about my right hand, but I am going to.
Now, I have some more problems, to add on to what I already have.
Last year (2016), my doctor told me that I might have Sleep Apnea, because I told her that I’ve been tired, and sometimes waking up during the night. So she sent me to an Sleep Study, and I did. They told me that I had mild Sleep Apnea. When I went to try on the mask, I felt like someone was suffocating me. So, I had to stop. Then my doctor sent me over to another doctor, that at first, I thought was not doing anything to help me, but now, she is. About an month ago (June of 2017), she sent me to get an MRI. The doctor who did it, told me that if they find anything out that need to be address, they will call me. No call. So, when I went back to my appointment, they said that they found something in the back of my head, that isn’t to serious.
What they found was…I don’t really know how to explain it…but it is like an ball in the back of my brain, that is against blood vessels, so the blood isn’t passing like it should. Now, this is most likely from birth, but we don’t know for sure. So, they want to keep an eye out on it, because if it gets any bigger, then I will need surgery on my head. That could be an cause of a lot of problems that I have, but again, we aren’t sure 100%.
A couple of nights ago, I was trying to go to bed and was just thinking about a lot of things. Such as my future. If you don’t know, I want to make a few of companies, aka JML Incorporate and KJ’s Café Club. But then I was thinking, that if it gets worst, then I won’t be able to do it, which makes me mad and upset. And with that, it would be great and awesome, because I can go into work, if I feel up to it, and if I am in pain, well…I can stay at home.
Then there is something that I think about the most. Having an boyfriend. I wish that I can have one now, so I can have someone, to be with me, and can help me if I need. YES, I am grateful that I have great family and friends, that I can talk to, and that can help me if and when I need it. But, there are somethings that I just want someone to be with me day in, and day out. Everyone might feel the same way, as I am right now, because you can have someone that you love and care deeply about, can be helping you, if you need it.
So now, I am just going day-by-day, but sometimes, I just can’t stop thinking about everything. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I do thank god for everything that he given me so far, and just hope that tomorrow, I won’t wake up, and can’t move AT ALL!!!!! The doctor who deliver me, said that I might be in an wheel-chair for life, and who knows, next month I just might need to…which I hope to god not.
When I talk to people about all my problems…which again, I don’t want them to feel bad about me, but a lot of people will tell me that, 1) They can’t tell that I have a disability. Which you really can’t, by just looking at me. But also 2) They are surprised that I can do a lot of things.
I am smart. Well, not book smart, that’s why I dropped out of college twice…hahaha…but as far as what I am doing with my job, at home with computers, speakers, and TV’s, people are very surprised that I can do that.
Oh, did I tell you that I drive? Well, yes I do. I have my license, and my own car. Again, if I talk to the doctors who deliver me, they would be so surprised that I do.
My family will sometimes call me “An miracle baby!” Which…I am.
I will like to say something else, that isn’t really about me, but just my living style. I do have an job, and I am very grateful that I do, but another thing that I am grateful is being on SSD. Now, I know what you might be thinking, “Well Joe, if you have an job, why are you on SSD? That money should go to someone who needs it, and don’t have an job.” Which, I agree, but I have to disagree with you. If I have an job, why should I be on SSD? Well, I can’t be able to work an full-time job. Sometimes just working part-time kills me. With my back, hands, and knees, it won’t work out. For example, I am typing this, and my hands and arms are starting to kill me. When I am cashing, 2 hours left of my shift, my hands will start killing me, and I slow down. My job, wants me to go fast to use both hands, but I can’t, and I need to tell them that I have problems. But they will understand. If you don’t know where I work at, I work at Wegmans. I actually needed to get an doctors note, telling them that I need to sit, when I am working, because of my back.
Let me go off track for an second. **NOTE: I AM NOT SAYING ANYTHING BAD ABOUT WEGMANS!!** As an cashier at Wegmans, we have something that is called IPM (Items Per Minute). They will tell us, where they would like to see us at, before our shift ends. For example, it will say you IPM from your last shift (10.58), and where they want to see you by the end of you shift, and it will be higher, then your last shift (11.0). If you don’t make it, you won’t get into trouble, but they might not be happy.
Now, you might be thinking, “Ok. Why are you telling us this?”
Well, here’s why. When I started, they didn’t have the note from my doctors about I need to sit, so my IPM’s would be anywhere from 5.0-8.0, or maybe higher. But when I sit, my IPM’s will be higher, somewhere between an 10.0-12.0, or higher. I think that they are happy to see that, so do I. When customers come through my line, I will try to talk to them…if they aren’t on their phones. Some people will make me so happy, when they tell me that I am doing a great job. Then when I say something about my hands, or being tired…which I know I shouldn’t…but they will say, “Oh! It’s ok. Take your time. You are doing an great job!” That keeps me going. I love talking to great, nice, kind, and awesome people whenever I am working…mostly at night.
But, I will end it there. If you read the whole thing, I think you so much and I love you, for reading my problems. Again, I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me, and treat me any different…well, maybe a little different. Hahaha. But if you want/can, please Share this on Twitter and Facebook, so people can kinda understand how some people might be feeling about theirselves, and what people can do.
PS: I might update people as far as my head, depending on what we find out. So please, “Follow” me on Twitter by clicking HERE, or “Like” me on Facebook by clicking HERE. My Tweets goes onto my Facebook Page.
Thanks for reading this, and til next time, see you on Twitter!!!
